He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
