I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
