It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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