The beer is more important than you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
