You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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