I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
