In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
