It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
