She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
