u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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