im drinking this country out of the recession.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so let's talk penis.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
