you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
