She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
