I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
