I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
