We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
