HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
