life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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