the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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