the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
