We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
