fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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