How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
