apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
