I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
