I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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