Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
