my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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