THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
