What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
