i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
