oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
