Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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