Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
