Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
