You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
