It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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