The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
