Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
