You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
