my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
