1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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