The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
