can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
