Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
