don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
