Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
