theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
