I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
