xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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