home. puking in laundry basket.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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