Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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