Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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