Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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