Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
