1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
