just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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