When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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