At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
