She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize