Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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