my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
