I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
