They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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